i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
