i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
