Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
