ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Randomize
