Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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