I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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