Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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