i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
