I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
