You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
