i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
