He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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