Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Welp...herpes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
