imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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