My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
