Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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