I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
