weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
