Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
