boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
