I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My dad just said "fuck circus"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
