eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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