I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
