I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
