If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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