I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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