I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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