I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
