i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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