We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
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Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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