Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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