I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
