I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
