My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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