Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
