Your mouth is God's brothel.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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