How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
