I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
