At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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