I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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