So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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