I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
