the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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