So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
