my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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