Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
