Tell her she can't have a vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
