Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize