so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
