I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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