We're facebook friends in real life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
don't judge my taste in strippers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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