I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
