In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
