Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize