hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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