I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
