I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this will be a night to untag.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
