I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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