Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
