ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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