I'm lost and stupid without you.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
