before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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