she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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