Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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