Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
