so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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