all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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