and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
