believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
