you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
