don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
