We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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