I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
