i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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