I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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