so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
