Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
