I'm so fucking centered right now
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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