apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
