Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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