There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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