Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i've created a new STD.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
